In grad school, a classmate introduced me to the phrase, "Kill your darlings." Vaguely attributed to William Faulkner, this general guideline for writing is akin to Coco Chanel's famous advice to take one thing off before you leave the house. In other words, edit.
I have this problem when it comes to writing. I want to keep everything. I sometimes write over a thousand words for a post before paring it down to half that, but I still save the bits and pieces I discard, compiling them in a Word document, kind of like an Isle of Misfit Paragraphs. While this eases the pain of editing, I always wonder if these would ever be read.
Well, today is their lucky day. Dave Eggers, in his manic but brilliant A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, devoted an entire section of the book to passages that he ultimately removed from the body of the book. I guess this sort of nullifies the whole editing process, but if Dave Eggers can do it, I can too. I promise that this will not be nearly as interesting as his, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about today, so I am thankful that these scraps were here, begging for an audience.
Won't you indulge them?
1/22/2011
I have had one particular number from Hair stuck in my head for the last week or so: the closing song of the first act where the main character has something of an existential crisis and sings, “Where is the something / where is the someone / that tells me why I live and die?” Its repetition in my head is not unusual, as I operate a mental revolving door that leads to brainspace reserved exclusively for musicals. But this line in particular got me thinking.
Which, actually, is also not unusual, as I find that I am often paralyzed by being too thoughtful. And not even in that selfless, looking-out-for-others kind of way, either, which would actually be a worthwhile result of my efforts. Instead, I concoct imaginary worlds to live in, ones that would have emerged had I made a different decision, turned down a different street, or worlds that no longer exist, or worlds that never existed at all. Sometimes, the pathway leading out into actual reality, the real world, can be overgrown.
3/13/2011
The debate began as soon as my alarm went off. By the third time I hit the snooze button, I had already calculated how many hours must elapse before I could find myself back asleep, how comfortable it felt to sprawl across the bed with Sam gone, how cold the world must be outside. I regretted telling Kevin that I'd see him at the gym this morning. Still, I summoned all of my willpower, threw my legs off of the bed with a groan, and got dressed. Even then, as I brushed my teeth, I knew there was still time to change my mind. All I needed to do was tuck myself back under the covers, close my eyes, and remember to send Kevin a text message later, something along the lines of, "Argh! Overslept!" thus implying the choice was never mine to make. No one would ever know.
1/7/2011
The other day while brushing my teeth, I noticed that there is not as much hair between my scalp and the world as there used to be. I’ve had stray gray hairs here and there ever since I was in my early 20s. I have yet to make my peace with that, but this was a curveball I did not see coming. As quickly as I discovered the thinning, I began sprinting through my Kubler-Ross stages:
I’ll be OK if I don’t lose any more hair.
I’ll be OK if it still looks like I have a full head of hair.
I’ll be OK if I go completely gray, but just let me keep it, dear God.
3/10/2011
Everything Grr did began to annoy me tenfold. I even yelled at him one night in my big-boy voice (turns out that I actually one) to stop biting at the shag rug. I could tell I scared him because he jumped, yet he still nipped at it one more time before laying on his side and sighing. Attitude. Where does he pick this up?? My head wanted to explode.
2/18/2011
I once had a theory about dating and relationships: all we ever really do is make the other person a better partner for someone else. I don't know if I came up with it or if I stole it from someone else. Mostly likely the latter since it carries with it a certain amount of cleverness, but I do have my moments, so who knows?
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