Chemistry is a funny thing. We meet new people all the time, but only some linger in our memory without any concrete explanation. (Sidenote: I've noticed that dogs can be the same way. One will come bounding up to Grr at the park wanting to play, but Grr will not give him a second look. But another one will merely walk into his field of view and they can be off for minutes at a time, running at full speed toward and away from each other. Who knows why one dog caught Grr's attention and the other one didn't?)
And while I've always known that romantic relationships require a huge amount of chemistry and nothing short of herculean effort and amazing luck, I never thought that friendships could work the same way. Like Brad from the dog park, with whom I felt an incredible connection just on a platonic level. And though Sam and I have met so many people at the various dog parks we frequent, all of whom have been incredibly friendly and nice, and though we have great conversations with them and I enjoy seeing them there, I actually wanted to sit down with Brad and exchange ideas, learn more about him. What was it that separated him from everyone else?
The other morning, I officially met a woman at the gym I had seen for months. She walks around the weight room with a fire in her eyes, not a shadow of hesitation, and she lifts weights like the big boys, with fervor and determination. I see her nearly every morning I go, and I suspect she is there on the mornings I don't. She wears different pairs of warm-up pants, the rugged, utility kind, not the form-fitting, rear-accentuating lululemon kind, and a dark T-shirt that still shows off her considerable physique underneath--not feminine, but not exactly masculine either. Just fit, borne out of dedication.
We say 'hello' when we see each other, started smiling and nodding after we realized that we were morning gym fixtures. She had a warmth about her and made the kind of eye contact that made me feel like she really saw me, even as we simply crossed paths on the way to our respective routines. I liked her; something about her aura (to get all metaphysical) soothed me and put me at ease.
Yesterday, we actually exchanged words, mostly inconsequential ones about Fridays, weekends, and the end of a long workweek. And towards the end of our conversation, I remarked how great a shape she's in and how regularly she comes to the gym. In response, she playfully punched me in the arm and said that she only wishes she started earlier instead of wasting so much of her younger years on other, more 'vice-ier' things.
It was then that I reached my epiphany, a series of epiphanies, actually. First, she's a lesbian and totally clued in to what I am (a Gemini); her punch packed enough of a wallop to send tingles down my arm, and I doubt she thought for a second that I could be flirting with her. Second, she was in AA, or some other kind of anonymous support group. I don't know how I knew exactly, and I could easily be wrong, but in an inexact way, I was certain of it--something about the positivity she exuded, the openness, all of which led me to my final and more important revelation: she reminded me of my old friend Steve, who passed away a year and a half ago. And when I got to thinking about it, I could barely believe that so much time had passed. Or so little, depending on perspective, I guess.
It wasn't so much the punch in the arm, which Steve used to do a lot, or the AA, in which Steve dutifully participated for years, or even the friendliness, which Steve possessed in abundance. It was all of those things and more, and it made me think of the only passage from the Bhagavad Gita that I know, thanks to Six Feet Under: "All that lives lives forever. Only the shell, the perishable passes away. The spirit is without end. . . eternal. . . deathless."
Maybe spirit is just another word for chemistry, then, and in some way, this woman didn't just remind me of Steve; she was Steve, or parts of him, and she brought out parts of me, and these parts together were the reasons that he and I became friends. And maybe the reason she and I will too.
I actually haven't thought of Steve in a while, and even longer since I thought of the Bhagavad Gita. It was good to be reminded of both.
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